


The Dumbass Adventures of Luke Skywalker and Han Solo

by lcvelydeacon



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: AU, Dorks, Fun, Funny, Humor, Life - Freeform, Lives, Multi, Not to be taken seriously, daily, if you like luke and han being dumbasses, our favorite dumbasses, their daily lives, this is the fanfic for you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24283366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcvelydeacon/pseuds/lcvelydeacon
Summary: sometimes, luke and han aren't the brightest. but the antics the two find themselves in provide for a great story later.
Relationships: Luke Skywalker & OC, han solo & oc





	The Dumbass Adventures of Luke Skywalker and Han Solo

**Author's Note:**

> co-written with my best friend. we thought it'd be hilarious writing these two getting themselves into stupid situations, and we hope you all like it too

To Sarah, Friday nights were usually the best night of the week. As someone who depended on her husband for financial stability, he was always at work while she had the privilege of staying home, but it often took a toll on her as she became bored very easily. But Friday night was Game Night, and every Friday was spent cleaning up that week's mess, making dinner, and preparing for their friends, Jenna and Luke, to come over for never-ending board games.

Jenna was an aspiring author, and payment received for her work alone was enough that she wasn't dependent on her spouse. Luke was the manager in an office setting, where he was the next step up before you reached corporate, and rumor had it that he was one year of outstanding work away from meeting the qualifications to become the district's president.

Han, on the other hand, was a crew member of the town's local car wash, where he made just under ten dollars an hour, working roughly five hours a day. He'd leave the small, one-bedroom house in khakis and an orange polo, only to return soggy and smelling of air fresheners and soap. Thankfully, Sarah knew how to work a washing machine when their water bill had been paid.

Sarah pulled a frozen pizza from the freezer and unwrapped it. She knew that the Skywalkers preferred to order pizza on Fridays, but as Han had called in sick to work the previous week, his paycheck wasn't substantial enough to pay for delivery, and Sarah figured they'd understand and wouldn't complain.

As she prepared to push the pizza into the oven, the front door of their third-floor apartment burst open, and a red-faced Han stormed in.

"Babe?" Sarah asked. "What are you doing home so early? Are you feeling sick again?"

"No, bitch," he barked at her, but her startled, wide eyes caused him to pause and take a deep breath. "No, sorry, I got fired."

"AGAIN?" She asked, dropping the pizza to the floor. "Han, what on earth did you do?"

His face became a darker shade of red, and he began to avoid eye contact with her. "Oh, I, um-"

"Han."

"Fell asleep in the bathroom, okay?" He tilted his head back, groaning loudly to the ceiling. "Fuck!" Pivoting on his left foot, he turned, punching a hole through the wall beside the front door.

"Han!" Sarah cried, trying to scoop the remnants of the pizza from the sauce-stained carpet. "We're never getting that deposit back."

Hours passed, and Han had taken a shower and cooled off. The pizza was cleaned off of the carpet and finally baked in the oven. Sarah was sitting at the metal card table they had unfolded in front of the TV, tapping her fingers frantically against its surface and downing a glass of wine.

There was a knock at the door, and Han approached from the bedroom, clad only in a white t-shirt and boxers. Sarah tossed a pair of grey sweatpants to him, and he pulled them on as she swung the door open.

"Jenna! Luke!" She exclaimed, pulling them both into a hug. "Long time, no see."

"Do you have to say that every Friday?" Luke asked, chuckling softly.

Jenna rolled her eyes. "I smell pizza!"

They all took their usual places around the small table, and Han muted the TV, allowing the Partridge Family to play silently behind him. Sarah handed everyone a plate, and handed the men a bottle of beer. She poured Jenna some wine before sitting down.

"Glassware this week?" Jenna teased, poking fun at the fact that Sarah usually proved paper plates and red Solo cups for dinner. "Fancy."

"Yes, well," Sarah sighed. "Can't afford to be buying paper products right now."

Jenna and Luke looked to one another, both raising an eyebrow as Han and Sarah looked at their plates.

"Guys, seriously," Luke said, sighing softly. "If you need financial help, even a loan, you know you can-"

"We're fine," Han interrupted. "Seriously. But thanks."

"Screw it," Sarah said. "We're not fine. Han got fired again."

"From the restaurant?" Jenna asked, surprised.

"No, the car wash," Sarah answered.

"Oh, yeah."

"No big deal, buddy," Luke smiled. "How many times do I have to tell you there's always a position for you in my office?"

Han took a moment, looking as if he finally swallowed his pride, and nodded.

"Perfect." Luke grinned, clasping his hands under his chin in excitement. "You start Monday."

-

On Monday, Han arrived at the office building at 7:07 a.m., seven minutes past when he was supposed to clock in. Luke was standing outside the front door, staring at his watch in disbelief.

"You're late," Luke exclaimed, pointing at his wrist. "How can you be late on your first day?"

"I stopped for a McMuffin," Han smirked, taking one from a paper bag and tossing it to Luke. "Grabbed you one, too, buddy."

Luke caught it, looking at it in disgust. "Gee, thanks."

He led Han upstairs and set him up at a small cubicle right beside his own managerial office. He taught him the basics, which consisted of answering the phone and trying to sell granite countertops to potential customers. Han understood.

He spent his first day making calls and recording every attempt in an Excel spreadsheet, and even made a sale.

That evening, just before five p.m., Jenna strolled into the office. She saw Han in his brown suit and grinned.

"Wow, you clean up nice!" She exclaimed. "How's office life?"

"Pretty nice," he said. "Never had a job where I got to sit on my ass all day."

"I bet," she said, stepping into Luke's office, and Han watched through the windows of the office as Luke hopped up to close the blinds.

He envied the privacy they had to fuck on the clock, and imagined how hard it would be to do in a cubicle.

Days went by, and days turned into weeks. He wasn't the most stellar employee, and certainly wasn't one that was efficient enough to keep around, but as his friend, Luke complimented him every day.

The first paycheck came, and when Han showed Sarah the number "nine hundred and one" written on the paycheck he had received for the first two weeks, she collapsed to their linoleum bathroom floor and sucked him off right then and there, tears in both of their eyes.

Monday morning of his third week, Han walked into the office half an hour early to begin his day. Luke walked in at seven a.m. sharp, and nodded in approval as he saw Han with his headset already on.

What Luke didn't know, was that instead of trying to sell granite countertops, Han was playing online poker.

The money he'd received was making him itch with the urge to turn it into more, thinking that he definitely COULD turn it into more, and he knew no better way to make a profit than to gamble. And with no computer at home, his work computer would have to do. He typed in the info to Sarah's debit card, and spent his entire shift playing, minimizing the tab only when Luke made his hourly rounds.

When the day ended, Luke patted Han on the back. "Good work today, buddy. Maybe you'll sell some tomorrow."

Han nodded, silently, dabbing sweat from his forehead. He had lost four hundred and eighty-five dollars in online poker that day.

But he didn't tell Sarah.

Days went by, and soon enough Han had run out of real money. He was playing with his credit card, and soon the amount of money that he owed was astronomical. But his brain kept telling him that if he continued playing, he would earn it all back.

Week four came, and that Monday morning, he was called into Luke's office.

Luke turned the screen around, and showed Han that he had visual access to every employee's computer.

"Han," Luke said. "I have been watching you lose in online poker for a week now."

Han smiled sheepishly. "Pretty cool we can play that shit online now, huh, buddy?"

Luke just glared at Han, and Han sighed.

He packed up the small amount of belongings he had accumulated on his desk, and carried it all out to his beat-up station wagon.

And grinned to himself as he sat down in the driver's seat, for nearly four weeks was the longest he'd ever kept a job.


End file.
